How do I teach my 13 year old emotional awareness?

How do you teach your 13 -year -old son emotional intelligence? Well, that's our question today
on Tips on Teens. My name is Kent Toussaint. I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist, and
I specialize in helping kids, teens, and families to live happier lives. I lead two organizations,
Teen Therapy Center and the non -profit 501c3 organization, Child and Teen Counseling, both
here in Woodland Hills, California. Every Wednesday at noon, I jump onto Facebook Live to answer
your parenting questions. Let's answer today's. I'm concerned about my 13 -year -old son's
emotional intelligence, if I can call it that. He doesn't talk about his feelings or show any
sort of awareness of his emotions. My daughter, by contrast, is considerate and empathetic.
She is able to tell us how she feels and she empathizes with others. My son doesn't show any of
those qualities. He is not on the spectrum, and he seems to get on fine with friends, but I'm worried
about what kind of adult he will become if he doesn't

get a handle on it. What can I do to help him?" Thank you for your question.

Here's the thing I want to say. He may just be a 13 -year -old boy. Now, I'm not condoning the lack
of emotional intelligence he has. I'm just saying that it may be a symptom of 13. Your daughter
has much more emotional capacity, intelligence. If I wanna go by gender stereotypes, that's
not uncommon. And your 13 -year -old son has friends, he gets along with friends. He may be fine.
I don't know. But if you want to teach him more, I think you teach him through demonstration,
through modeling for him. Not by demanding, because he's not gonna understand how to do that.
His 13 -year -old brain may not have the capacity to have that kind of emotional awareness and
connection and acceptance. He had to let him maybe grow and mature a little bit. Again, if you're
seeing other problems in his life, he was having a hard time keeping friends, he was isolated,
I'd be a little more concerned. But he has friends, he gets along fine with friends, he just doesn't
really communicate his emotions maybe

because he doesn't really connect to them that much because that's not really on his wavelength
right now. And we may need to allow him to mature and grow. How you demonstrate it is by demonstrating
your own emotional intelligence, you know, talking about your feelings in nuanced ways You're
so you're demonstrating it especially if there's You know if his dad is in the house and his dad
is able to do that I think that's even better because that is the primary male role model in his
life So if the primary male role model in his life is able to demonstrate how to have emotional
intelligence, express compassion, express his emotions in a healthy, responsible way, I
think you're setting the example for your son so he can follow suit. So as he gets older and more
mature, he will be able to do that. Again, if he was having other problems in his life, I'd be more
concerned. Since he's not having a lot of problems, I say just allow him to be 13. Try not to stress
too much about it. Let unfold.

He will not be 13 forever. He will be 16 and 26 and 36. I think he will develop more emotional awareness
intelligence, especially the more you model for him how to do that. That is our question for
today. Thank you very much. We love your questions. Again, my name is Kent Toussaint with Teen
Therapy Center and the nonprofit Child and Teen Counseling. If you have a question you like
me to answer here on Facebook Live, email us at tipsonteens at teentherapycenter .com. Thank
you very much, have a great week, and I'll see you next Wednesday at noon on Facebook Live. Bye
-bye.