Your once high -achieving and gregarious child has transformed into a disinterested and sad,
lonely teenager. Well, let's talk about that today on Tips on Teens. My name is Kent Toussaint.
I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist, and I specialize in helping kids, teens, and
families to live happier lives. And if you or someone you care for could really benefit from
talking to a family therapist who specializes in kids and teens, please reach out to us at Teen
Therapy Center. Our contact information is down below. Now, let's jump into today's parent
-submitted question here on Tips on Teens. My child used to be high -achieving and gregarious
in elementary school but has become disconnected and indifferent in high school. She doesn't
care about her grades and she's not interested in being social. She used to take piano and be
involved in sports and now doesn't want to do any of it. How can I help her find her way back? Thank
you for your question. I totally understand the concerns you
have. This is a big turnaround. My hunch is it probably wasn't a sudden shift. It probably started
happening over time, kind of like a frog in a pot. Eventually, like, it just got worse and worse
and worse. Now, like, oh my gosh, the water's boiling. There's many reasons why your daughter
may be struggling with this. Is she having any learning challenges or developmental issues
that's interfering with her social capacity, her educational capacity, those are things
you want to address. Was there a big event or several events, whether it was a trauma, whether
it's a divorce in the family, a death in the family, you know, these things you want to find out.
Are one of these things left there being unresolved and really laying chaos to her life? Is it
many things? Did she used to have a really good group of friends and she lost that group of friends?
Did she stop trying? That's what we want to find out. Possibly therapy is a way to start addressing
that. Individual therapy, maybe some family
therapy if that's needed. Group therapy, like we have a group for high school girls at our nonprofit,
Child and Teen Counseling. You know, is there anyone that can connect with her and bond with
her and really kind of help her open up? Are there any activities that she seems like her old self?
Like, when she's baking, does she love baking or walking the dog or whatever that is, does that
when you see that spark of that former, positive, optimistic girl that you used to see, finding
those activities and building from there. I don't know if there's any one thing to do, it's probably
addressing many things. Everyone's gonna be different and unique and it's really understanding
your daughter, what is the emotional need that's not being met? And when we can start identifying
that, then I think we can start finding solutions. Obviously, the connection between you and
your daughter is paramount. Connection is so important between parents and children. Again,
that's not how much you love your child,
it's not how much they love you, it's how connected you are, how much interaction and trust is
there between the two. You can love someone and not feel connected to them. So I encourage you
to make time to have those experiences where you are connecting with your daughter and that's
the base, that's the fundamentals that everything's going to be based on, where even if you
get therapy or not therapy, even if you get her into golf or speech and debate or whatever that
is, it's really going to, so much is so important based on your relation with your child. That's
our question for today. Thank you so much. Again, my name is Kent Toussaint with Teen Therapy
Center and the nonprofit organization, Child and Teen Counseling, both here in Woodland Hills.
If you have a question you'd like me to answer, please feel free to email us at tips on teens at
teen therapy center calm or you can direct messages right here on social media we love your questions
I'll be off next week for Thanksgiving hope
you guys have a great Thanksgiving any lots of yummy food and I'll see you guys in two weeks on
tips on teens bye bye
TEEN INDIFFERENCE
When your once outgoing, happy child becomes indifferent and joyless, it’s rarely something that happens overnight. This kind of change usually unfolds gradually, over weeks or even months. Regardless of how your child’s shift into a state of emotional withdrawal or unhappiness came about, it can be deeply concerning—and heartbreaking—for a parent.
The reasons behind teenage indifference can vary widely, but it helps to start by asking yourself some key questions:
- Has your child experienced a traumatic event recently? This could include the loss of a loved one, a family divorce, or even something less obvious but equally impactful.
- Has there been a significant change in their social circle? Did they lose a group of friends or face challenges with peers?
- Could learning difficulties or developmental challenges be contributing to their distress?
IT’S ALL ABOUT CONNECTION...
Understanding what might be causing this shift begins with identifying which of your child’s emotional needs may not be met.
Here’s where it becomes essential: what is the quality of your connection with your child? To uncover what’s truly troubling them, you—or someone they trust—will need to engage with them in a meaningful way. This means creating space for open, nonjudgmental communication. But before they’ll open up, they need to feel genuinely loved and valued.
Ask yourself: are you making time to show your child you enjoy being with them? Are you pursuing activities they care about or sharing moments that matter to them? It’s important to remember that while someone may feel loved in your heart, they might not always feel it in theirs.
The key is to connect with your child in a way that resonates with them—on their terms. Only then can you begin to uncover the emotional root of their pain and take steps toward helping them heal.
Clinical Director Kent Toussaint answers your parenting questions every Wednesday at 12:00pm in our weekly segment Tips On Teens on Facebook Live. Have questions about parenting kids and teens? Send them to: TipsOnTeens@TeenTherapyCenter.com. We love to hear from you!
Head on over to our Facebook page every Wednesday at 12:00pm to watch LIVE! Check out our page here – https://www.facebook.com/TeenTherapyCenter/
If you have more questions or would like more information, please contact our Clinical Director, Kent Toussaint at 818.697.8555.