Date: 07/06/2023
Title: How can I get my daughter to be practical about her senior year romance?
00:00:00 Speaker 1
It. Your teenage daughter is going off to college in the fall, out of state. Her boyfriend is
not going to the same college or out of state. Should they break up? Well, we're going to talk
about that today on tips on teens. My name is Kent Toussaint. I'm a licensed marriage and family
therapist and I specialize in helping kids, teens and families live happier lives. I lead two
organizations, teen Therapy Center and the nonprofit 501 organization Child and Teen Counseling,
both here in Woodland Hills, California. And every Wednesday at noon, I jump on the Facebook
Live to answer your parenting questions. Let's jump into today's. My daughter is a senior in
high school. She started dating a guy this year and they are in the throes of love. She's really
obsessed with him. He seems like a nice enough kid, I guess. Here's my problem, though. They're
going to different colleges. Hers is out of state. She says that they're going to stay together
after they go away, which I think is a terrible idea,
00:01:03 Speaker 1
and I've told her so. I want her to be free and unbeholden to anyone when she goes away. I'm worried
she's going to miss out on good experiences if she's not present in her college life. Any ideas
on how I can get through to her? Yes. And the first thing I would say is don't give her advice on
this. Let it play out because there's a lot of different reasons why, number one, the more you
try to push her to break up, the more she's going to hold on to him. And you've already said that
he's not a bad guy. Maybe there's a healthy relationship. Let it play out. If you pull her away
from someone that she's really in love with, she's going to resent you for it and blame you for
it. So stay out of this. Also, while it is a very small remote chance, it's possible that this
is the person she will spend the rest of her life with and they'll be happily married and have
kids and grandkids and all that thing and you don't want to get in the way of that. I know it's unlikely,
but it's still a possibility
00:02:00 Speaker 1
and there's a very good possibility that they're going to break up on their own without you having
to do anything. So you by staying out of it and letting it play out, they could break it break up
next week, next month, in August. And even if she stays with them and she goes off to college out
of state and they stay together with this long distance relationship, we all know those are
not destined for success, generally speaking. Maybe that helps her actually feel a little
safer because she doesn't have to go party the way she might if she freshman year with all the
pressures because, no, I've got my boyfriend, I've got my boyfriend. Maybe that's kind of like
the thing that helps her have the excuse of just staying safe and making some safer choices,
having that boyfriend back home in California. So if it's a healthy relationship, he treats
her with respect, I say let it play out and it's going to hurt no matter what happens when she breaks
up, let it go there. If you're pressing when she
00:02:57 Speaker 1
does break up, then she doesn't want to go to you and get that support. But if you're just supportive
and caring and loving and accepting of whatever she does, when she does do that breakup, then
she'll be more open to coming to you for that support and that compassion and for you to take care
of her in that way. So that's how I would handle this. If you have a question you'd like me to answer
here on Tips on teens, email us at tipsonteans@teentherapycenter.com. Also, you can direct
message us right here on Facebook. We love your questions. Again. My name is Kent Toussaint with
Teen Therapy Center and Child Teen Counseling. And I'll see you all on Facebook Live next Wednesday,
noon. Bye.
Long Distance Teens
As a parent, odds are you probably don’t want to see your daughter (or son) in a long distance relationship when they go to college. We get it! There are some good reasons why you probably shouldn’t try and give him/her advice on this matter. Here are a few:
- The more you try to push her to break up, the more she’s going to hold on to him and resent you as well.
- You never know, this could be the person he or she’s going to spend the rest of their life with.
- Long distance relationships don’t usually work out. There’s a really good chance they’ll break upon their own without you having to do anything!
- Being in a long distance relationship in college might actually help her to “stay safe” and make some safer choices.
Be There For Her
Our advice is: if it’s a healthy relationship and he treats her with respect, let it play out.
If you’re supportive and open and caring of what she does, she’s more likely to come to you for support when that break up finally happens. Here’s this week’s Tips on Teens question:
“My daughter is a senior in High School. She started dating a guy this year, and they’re in the ‘throes of love.’ She’s really obsessed with him. He seems like a nice enough kid I guess. Here’s my problem though: they’re going to different colleges. Hers is out of state. She says that they’re going to stay together after they go away, which I think is a terrible idea, and I’ve told her so. I want her to be free and un-beholden to anyone when she goes away. I’m worried she’s going to miss out on good experiences if she’s not ‘present’ in her college life. Any ideas on how I can get through to her?”
Clinical Director Kent Toussaint answers your parenting questions every Wednesday at 12:00pm in our weekly segment Tips On Teens on Facebook Live. Have questions about parenting kids and teens? Send them to: TipsOnTeens@TeenTherapyCenter.com. We love to hear from you!
Head on over to our Facebook page every Wednesday at 12:00pm to watch LIVE! Check out our page here – https://www.facebook.com/TeenTherapyCenter/
If you have more questions or would like more information, please contact our Clinical Director, Kent Toussaint at 818.697.8555.