Help, My Teen Is Pushing Away

Welcome

How do you get your teenager to talk to you? Well, how about you and I talk about that today on Tips
on Teens. My name is Kent Toussaint. I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist. I specialize
in helping kids, teens, and families to live happier lives. By the way, if you or someone you
care for could really benefit from talking to a family therapist, please reach out to us at Teen
Therapy Center. Our contact information is down below. Now, let's jump into today's parent
submitted question here on tips on teens. My teen doesn't talk to me or my husband whether we're
at the dinner table or on the drive to school or back. How do we communicate better? Thank you
for your question. I think a lot of parents can relate to this one. There's a couple ways to look
at it. First, you may not need to worry about this if certain conditions are met. For example,
has his motivation for school dropped dramatically? If it has, there may be something more
going on if not, and he has some semblance of

a social life outside of on a screen. He's engaged in his extracurricular activities. This
may be typical, normal, mundane, adolescent pushing away from parents, which is a normal part
of human development. If they didn't do this, they'd never leave the house. It's just really
uncomfortable and not fun for the parents. Let's assume that there aren't other red flags going
on and he's living a typical teenage life. He just thinks you guys are kind of boring and irritating.
If that's the case, be patient, it will come around, especially if he used to be engaged with
you and used to be connected to you. This will come back around. It may not be until he leaves high
school. But be patient. I use this analogy a lot. But you know, teenagers are a lot like feral
cats. So you have this feral cat in your backyard, you want to befriend this cat. So you bring
the little bowl of food out, you've got it 10 feet away from you and you sit there and you have to
be very patient. Because if you chase after

this cat wanting to pet the cat, the cat is, he's out of there. So you have to be patient and just
keep reaching out. Some of the ways you can do that are some boundaries like hey, we're at the
dinner table, there are no screens, which means you have to follow that rule too. In the car.
You may have to have the same boundary of, hey, when we're in the car, there are no screens, we
can listen to a podcast or radio, but this is our time to talk. You may not do it every time, but
maybe sometimes you initiate this. Maybe there's family game night. You know, there are times
at home when there are no screens. Again, you have to follow that too. If you guys are always on
screens, the screens are much more interesting than you will ever be. So So you may have to limit
that in some way. Also, what are his interests? Let's say his interests are anime, but you think
anime is stupid and is boring and you don't get it. You have to find some way to enjoy anime with
him. You don't have to enjoy anime,

but can you enjoy that he's enjoying it? And I think that's a real distinction. You need to, you
know, on the bridge of either, here I am, camera here. If you're on either side of a bridge, you
may need to go 75 % of the way there for him to go that 25 because you're the parent you're the adult
he's the kid and that's just kind of what we do as parents eventually it will even out but for some
reason and I don't know why could be a thousand reasons why he's pushing away and part of it could
be that normal adolescent pulling away from parents which is normal and part of growing up part
of being more connected to a sexuality and a sexual identity and wanting to have that awareness
and realizing that I don't want my parents see me that way because I my parents see me that way
I have to see my parents in that way and I don't want to think about my parents in a sexual way that's
gross and disgusting so sometimes kids will just push away altogether so be patient keep reaching
out make sure that

your yearning for his connection is not putting pressure on him to take care of your emotional
needs he is not qualified to care of your emotional needs in any way I'm not saying what he's doing
is right. I'm not condoning it. I'm just saying it's not abnormal. Be patient with it. The more
relaxed and patient you are, the less pressure it is on him to reach out to you. It's a big topic.
If you'd like to talk more about this, you can always give us a call. Again, my name is Kent Toussaint.
This is Tips on Teens where every Wednesday we're live on Facebook to answer your questions.
I represent Teen Therapy Center and the non -profit 501c3 organization, child and teen counseling,
both here in Woodland Hills, California. We have therapists for pretty much every budget across
both organizations. We'd love to help you if that's something you would like to do. If you'd
like me to answer your questions here on Tips on Teens, email us at tipsonteens at teentherapycenter
.com. Thank you so much.

And I'll see you guys next Wednesday, live on Facebook. Bye -bye.

to Teen Therapy Center. My name is Kent Toussaint. I'm the founder and clinical director.
We are a group private practice here in Woodland Hills, California. We are filled with therapists
who are fun loving, professional, warm, and we specialize in helping kids, teens and families
live happier lives. And we do that because we speak teenager and we speak parent. And we are often
the interpreter in between the two to help bridge those gaps to make sure that teenagers are
finally understanding parents, parents are understanding teenagers. And we're helping
develop greater communication, better empathy, healthier boundaries within the family.
But when we understand a kid or a teenager, we also have to understand what it's like to be a little
kid and a young adult and a parent. Because when you're a teenager, you're in this amazing transition
period where you got 1 foot as a kid and 1 foot in the adult world. And it's confusing and it's frustrating.
You know, I know we've been teenagers. Your teenagers

are going through it for their very first time. And so my job, or our job as therapists is to help
them go through that. We do that through individual therapy, family therapy, and sometimes
group therapy, depending on what your kids needs are. There are a variety of issues we deal with,
obviously. Self esteem issues, school motivation, anxiety, depression, attention issues,
autism spectrum, anyone who identifies multi, exceptional or two E. We work with those people
every day. Kids who are their families are going through divorces or even sometimes when they're
blending families together. Those can be very nuanced, complicated issues. And sometimes
having a therapist to help bridge the gap, help increase and develop better communication
is really helpful. Thanks for stopping by. Please check out our website. Give us a call. We're
happy to provide a complimentary phone consultation so you can ask all your questions. We can
provide you the answers so you feel comfortable choosing us. And

if somehow what you're asking for is outside of our scope, we're happy to provide you other resources
so you can find the referrals you need to get the help you need for you and your family. Thanks
again. My name is Kenta Tussant. This is Teen Therapy Center, and we look forward to talking
to you soon.