Homework and Chores: How do you get your kid to do them?

BOUNDARIES WITH COMPASSION

So you want to set some boundaries with your teenager so that they’ll do their homework and chores? Get ready to join the ranks of parents spanning the millennia of parenthood. Parents since the beginning of time have been wanting their kids to do stuff their kids don’t want to do.

When it comes to boundaries around homework and chores, there are a few basic rules of thumb:

1. If you can’t enforce the boundary, don’t do it! You’re never going to get results if you can’t make good on what you say.
2. Ask yourself if what you’re asking of your kid is reasonable. By this we mean: is it even with their developmental and emotional capacity to do what you’re expecting of them? Most likely the answer is no.
3. Collaborate! If you allow your kid to have a voice in whatever rules you set around homework and chores, they’re more likely to be vested in it.

FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION… OH WAIT, IT IS.

If you’ve collaborated with your child and come up with a plan for homework and chores that they’ll actually be able to follow, you’re off to a good start. But the last component to success is this: remember, they’re going to fail. They’re not going to be perfect. You have to allow them to fail. And when they do, you as the parent need to take the high road. Abandon all sarcasm, snarky comments, raised eyebrows, etc. and respond with love and compassion.

There’s more to say about it, and we take on the chore in this Tips on Teens:

“I’m having a really hard time setting boundaries with my 14 year old right now. I want him to get all his homework and house chores done as a precondition to doing other stuff.  Like before he starts playing video games or texting with friends. It’s causing a lot of stress and tension and he tells me stuff like ‘but my friends get to do it.’ How do I respond to this and make healthy boundaries?”