How do you break up with your teenager's therapist? Well, we're gonna talk about that today
on Tips on Teens. My name is Kent Toussaint. I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist,
and I specialize in helping kids, teens, and families to live happier lives. If you or someone
you love could really benefit from talking to a family therapist, please contact us here at
Teen Therapy Center. Our contact info is in the caption below. Now, let's jump into today's
parent -submitted question on Tips on Teens. My son is 14 and he's been with his therapist for
six months. We liked his therapist at first, but it feels like she is now pitting our son against
us and we no longer trust her. We'd like to get a new therapist, but our son is upset about the idea
because he really likes her. I'm not comfortable working with his therapist. I feel like I'm
paying her to make my life harder. How do I handle this without my son hating me? Thank you for
your question. It's a very nuanced and delicate situation,
a lot of feelings going on, yours and his. The first and foremost thing I would strongly recommend
you do is sit down and talk with this therapist. See if you can repair this mistrust. Was there
a misunderstanding? Was there a mistake made? Therapists are humans too. Therapists can make
mistakes just like anyone else can. Maybe there's something that you guys can work on and repair
and go, okay, this is good because your son is already on board with this therapist. If that doesn't
work, if you just really cannot create this working relationship, you may need to move on to
the therapist. Because while your son's therapist is his advocate, and his emotional support,
and the person who's in his corner, you need to have an alliance with the therapist too. You need
to, you know, not necessarily saying you guys have to agree, but you have to, you have to feel
that your son's therapist can understand you and take in your considerations. When you have
a family session, you know, can balance your
emotional needs with your son's emotional needs. That's really important. If that can't happen,
you need another therapist. Will your son be upset? Yes. Will he get over it if you find another
therapist he connect with? Possibly. But again, I strongly recommend you really try to work
things out with this therapist because you've already invested this time to this therapist.
If again, sorry, there's something in my eye here. Horrible time to get something in your eye.
If you just can't work this out with this therapist, you need to move on to someone else and find
another ally for your family. Because when you're a child therapist, you're a family therapist,
you can't just work with a kid. Parents are integrally involved. And it's really important
that not only you have a relation with this therapist, but your son does as well. Now this therapist
is not going to get your kid to do exactly what you want to do, that's not what they can do. You're
a therapist for your son is going to help your
kid develop more emotional awareness, coping skills, positive relationships, how to repair,
you know, how to rebound when he makes mistakes. Those are all the things your therapist is going
to help your son do. Your therapist, your son's therapist is not going to help him just pivot
and just meet you where you want him to be. It's not going to happen. No therapist can do that because
it's not going to be genuine for your son. That has to be an imperfect middle where you guys all
meet. Anyways, I wish there was an easy solution to this. I don't think there is. If you have your
own therapist, I encourage you to talk to your therapist about how to work through this as well.
It's a tough situation, and it may be bumpy for a little bit. But thank you for your question.
Again, my name is Kent Toussaint with Teen Therapy Center and the nonprofit 501c3 organization,
Child and Teen Counseling. If you'd like me to answer your question here on Tips on Teens, every
Wednesday at noon on Facebook Live,
Email us at tipsonteens at teentherapycenter .com or you can direct message us. We love your
questions. Thank you again and have a great week and I'll see you next Wednesday. Bye bye.
MAYBE YOU CAN WORK IT OUT
So, you’re not happy with your kid’s therapist, but your child feels attached and doesn’t want to let go. Stay calm; it’s important to remember that there will be a lot of emotions involved on both sides—yours and your child’s.
The first step we recommend is to sit down and have a conversation with your child’s therapist. Try to understand what’s causing the strain in the relationship. If you feel like the therapist is pitting your child against you, ask yourself if it might be a misunderstanding or a mistake on the therapist’s part. If so, there may be an opportunity to address and resolve the issue, especially since your child is already comfortable with this therapist.
WHEN TO MOVE ON
However, if you find that trust cannot be restored, it may be time to consider moving on. It’s essential that you have a strong alliance with your child’s therapist. You need to feel understood and supported, and if the therapist can’t balance the emotional needs of both you and your child, the relationship might not be sustainable. A child therapist should be an ally for the entire family.
Will your child be upset by the change? Most likely, yes. But with time, they may be able to find another therapist who can connect with both of you. This is a tough one, and we get into the topic in this Tips on Teens:
“My son is 14 and he’s been with his therapist for 6 months. We liked the therapist at first, but it feels like she is now pitting our son against us, and we no longer trust her. We’d like to get a new therapist, but our son is upset about the idea because he really likes her. I’m not comfortable working with this therapist. I feel like I’m paying her to make my life harder. How do I handle this without my son hating me?”
Clinical Director Kent Toussaint answers your parenting questions every Wednesday at 12:00pm in our weekly segment Tips On Teens on Facebook Live. Have questions about parenting kids and teens? Send them to: TipsOnTeens@TeenTherapyCenter.com. We love to hear from you!
Head on over to our Facebook page every Wednesday at 12:00pm to watch LIVE! Check out our page here – https://www.facebook.com/TeenTherapyCenter/
If you have more questions or would like more information, please contact our Clinical Director, Kent Toussaint at 818.697.8555.