My Teen Won’t Talk!

Has your teenage son's communication style transitioned from English to grunts and shoulder
shrugging? Well, let's talk about that today on Tips on Teens. My name is Kent Toussaint. I'm
a licensed marriage and family therapist. I specialize in helping kids, teens, and families
to live happier lives. By the way, if you or someone you care for could really benefit from talking
to a family therapist, please contact us at Teen Therapy Center. Our information is down below.
Now, let's jump into today's parent -submitted question here on Tips on Teens. My 14 -year -old
son used to talk to me all the time. I used to feel really close to him. Now, when I get home from
work and try to engage him in conversation, I get a lot of grunts and no eye contact. When I do get
an answer, it's usually one word. And if I'm lucky, sometimes I get an, I don't care. Is this normal
for teens to just stop talking to the parents? The short answer is yes, I'm not condoning it.
Now the question really is, is it a problem?

So let's, let's figure out how much of this is a problem or just normal teen development. If your
teenager is still engaged with school activities, you know, their approach to school, their
motivation for school hasn't changed. They have friends. They get along with teachers and
coaches. If it's just kind of at home, it may just be typical teenage, that's the technical term,
that's the scientific term, right? Most teenagers go through it. It's part of the pushing and
pulling away from their parents. Here's one possible reason. It's not the only reason, but
it's a very common reason. So at 14, he's connecting more and more with his sexuality, sexual
identity, sexual thoughts, sexual feelings, all these are really present in his mind right
now, whether he's acknowledging them consciously or not. And when he does that starts recognizing
himself as a sexual being. He's really uncomfortable for his parents to see him as that and his
unconscious is if I see myself this way, everyone else sees

me this way, if my parents see me this way, that is really icky and gross and I don't want that.
Because if my parents see me this way and they can see what my thoughts are, then I have to have
some awareness that my parents may be sexual beings and this is very uncomfortable. This may
be a possible reason why. If that's the case, it's a pretty typical normal thing, it will not
last forever, but you're gonna have to ride it out. You're not going to force him to stop grunting
and shrugging his shoulders. Now however, if other things are sliding, if his schoolwork is
not what it used to be, if he's pulling away from friends, activities, his creativity is not
there, maybe something else is going on. Whether it was a traumatic event you don't know about
or it's just a slow spiral down to anxiety or depression or other maladaptive issues that are
going on. It Keep offering. Keep being there for him. It's not whether he accepts your offers.
It's more important that you continue offering. For

example, this example I use a lot. If you're making lunch and you go by his room and you offer to
make him a sandwich and all he does is, you know, he doesn't want one, that's okay. The important
thing is that you offered. Eventually, he may go, okay, can I have with mustard?" And you say,
sure. And that's him eventually accepting you back in. Again, it's you can't control what he
does. You can only control what you do. Take the high road, be the parent you know you are, and
don't measure your value as a parent or a human based on what your 14 -year -old, how he is reacting.
Because you can't control that, and his reactions are going to be illogical. It's part of the
development of a teenage brain. It's not fully developed. He's not an adult. Be patient and
continue having compassion and empathy for him. And he'll eventually come around and you'll
have a well adjusted, warm, friendly, teenage or possibly adult. Anyways, that's our question
for today. Thank you so much for your questions.

Again, my name is Kent Toussaint with Teen Therapy Center and the nonprofit organization,
Child and Teen Counseling. If you'd like me to answer your questions here on Tips on Teens every
Wednesday at noon, email us at tips on teens at teen therapy center .com or direct messages right
here on social media. We love your questions. Every Wednesday at noon on Facebook Live we answer
these questions. So keep them coming. Thank you so much again Kent Toussaint and I'll see you
guys next week. Bye bye