“I think my son is gay. How do I let him know that I have no problem with him being gay?”

Hello! Welcome to Tips on Teens. My name is Kent Toussaint, licensed marriage and family therapist,
coming to you live from Teen Therapy Center in Woodland Hills, California, answering your
parenting questions that you email us or message us here on Facebook. And let's jump into today's
question. Here we go. My son is 14, and I bet everything I have that he's gay. He is always telling
me and my husband that he likes girls, but I just don't buy it. I've had a lot of gay friends in the
past, and I always knew way before they would come out to me. How do I let him know that I have no
problem with him being gay? I just want him to be comfortable being himself around me. So let's
assume, for argument's sake, that you are correct, and you've got spot -on gaydar. Let's just
assume you're right. So if that's the case, you may know, but your son maybe doesn't know. Hello,
Shari Robin Mankulich, who just said, Happy Wednesday. Happy Wednesday to you, too. She's
always watching and helping us out

here. You get her comments. Thanks, Shari. So anyways, you may know, but your son may not know.
He may still be grappling with this. He may still be going back and forth between liking girls,
liking boys, liking both, liking neither. He may not know. And if you push this too hard, it may
stunt him figuring it out. He's got his own emotional process to get through, and everyone's
process coming out is going to be different. And I know you want your son to feel safe. You want
him just to be himself, but this may be who he is right now. And if you try to push this, if you try
to push someone to come out, it stunts that process. Let's assume, for argument's sake, that
you're wrong. Let's say he's not gay. Let's say you're totally off on this. Pressuring him to
come out as gay when he's not gay is parallel to pressuring someone who is gay not to be gay. And
that can be really jarring and feel not safe. So you want to make sure that your son, when he takes
that leap to come out to you, you want

to make sure he has a soft place to land, a safe place to land. I think it's really important. So
we also don't know, is it just, you know, gay straight bi? Is he possibly wrestling with being
trans? And again, if you push this too hard, it's gonna push him farther and farther in the closet.
Better to be a safe place, but when he's ready to come out, he will share. And one of the ways you
can do that is if you have, you know, lots of gay friends, which is fantastic, have them over for
dinner. Talk to them like you would anyone else. Help him see other people who are gay and in Committed
happy relationships, which I think is as a good role model Or since it is pride month June is pride
month Maybe you organize a family to go to a pride event to show your support Now if you do this
don't mandate your son come because if he's not ready, this could be really jarring for him But
if you guys let's say you all go and he doesn't want to go You but he knows you went to a pride event
that could be

enough to show him like oh, wow This is safe. This is safe So when he is ready, whether it's this
month or next year or five years from now, whatever He knows that he is a safe loving family who
will support him no matter how he identifies. I think that's really important so have patience
let him come out as he wants to and just keep loving him the way he is because He's fine the way he
is right now And if he likes girls, that's fine likes boys. That's fine. He likes both. That's
fine you know, just let him be who he is. Anyways, that's our question for today. Next week we
have a question delving into a discussion about whether parents should stay together in an
unhealthy marriage in favor of the kids. So we'll talk about that next week. If you have questions
you'd like us to answer, email us at tipsonteens at teentherapycenter .com or you can just DM
us right here on Facebook or Twitter or Instagram, either one of those works too. And we'll see
you next week. annual lunch break 12 o 'clock
next Wednesday. Bye -bye.