Supporting Teens in Relationships

How do you help your teen daughter with this obsessive jealousy she has for her boyfriend? Well,
that's what we're talking about today on Tips on Teens. My name is Kent Toussaint. I'm a licensed
marriage and family therapist and I specialize in helping kids, teens, and families to live
happier lives. If you or someone you care for could really benefit from talking to a child family
therapist, please contact us at Teen Therapy Center. All our contact info is in the description
below. Let's jump in now to today's parent -submitted question on tips on teens. My daughter
is 16 and has her first boyfriend. It's not going well in my opinion. I can see her get really anxious
when he's out with his friends or doing stuff without her. She's constantly tracking him on
her phone and watching his TikTok account for posts. It's not healthy. Comments she's made
about other girls in their social circle made me think that she's just extremely jealous and
possessive. I understand she's young and maybe not

ready for this kind of relationship, but how can I help her now that she's in it? Thank you for
your question. First of all, here's the most important thing. Stay calm. Don't react. Be patient.
The last thing you should do is try to swoop in and save the day because it's gonna be the exact
opposite result you want. The more you try to squeeze in there and get her to see that this is a
bad relationship and she should get out, the more she's gonna hold on to him for dear life. Patient,
don't judge, be compassionate, listen, have really big ears and a really small mouth and help
her feel that she is safe to process food. Now you can ask questions like is that working for you?
You know, are you happy in this relationship? Maybe she'll be open that conversation with you.
Maybe she won't. It's possible if she can't figure out a way to adjust because obviously her
actions are not from a place of health. But maybe talking to an adolescent therapist can help
her because they don't have the judgment

or the pressure of talking to mom or dad about this. The real core question is, this is well here,
this This is a symptom. It's a symptom of something deeper. So the question is, why is she acting
in this very jealous, possessive way? And I think when we start getting to that root cause of
what's going on with her self -esteem, her self -identity, that's when she will be able to have
more conscious choice of how she wants to be in relationships. But remember, this is a teenage
relationship. Like the vast majority of teenage dating relationships, this one will end.
Maybe with a lot of tears, maybe with some heartbreak, but it will end. And I think it's important
that you are patient with that process. If you want to support her through this, if she will talk
with you, again, listen, don't offer advice. If she asks you for advice, and you say, are you
sure? Do you really want me advising you? Or do you just want me to listen? She's more than likely
going to say, no, just listen. I just want

you to listen. But if she says, no, I really want you to give me advice. Be very cautious with that
advice and do it from a place that there's no judgment and let her make her decisions. It's a tough
place to be because you're watching your daughter suffer and struggle when you know all she's
got to do is just walk away. But if you've ever been in a relationship that was unhealthy for you
but tough to walk away, that's the way to have empathy for her to understand that you've walked
in those shoes before. And it's tough to watch her go through that. You can even share that vulnerability
if you think she's open to it. But again, having her talk it through is really going to be helpful
because what the fear is, she's going to stay in this relationship way too long, really treat
herself unkindly, treat her boyfriend unkindly, treat her friends unkindly. Everyone's
being treated unkindly because she's trying to fulfill an emotional need that can't be met
the way she's approaching it. It's a

big question. Thank you for submitting your question to us. If you'd like me to answer your question
here on Tips on Teens, email us at tipsonteens at teentherapycenter .com, or you can direct
messages here right on Facebook. We love your questions. Thank you so much. We'll see you next
Wednesday at noon. I know we started a little late today. Thanks for your patience. But I'll
see you next Wednesday at noon. Bye -bye, guys.