Teen Social Media Use

Date: 08/11/2023

Title: How Do I Teach My Teenager To Use Social Media Responsibly?

00:00:01 Speaker 1
Is too much social media for your teenager getting in the way of her homework and her sleep? Well,
we're talking about that today on Tips on Teens. My name is Kent Toussaint. I'm a licensed marriage
and family therapist, and I specialize in helping kids, teens, and families live happier lives.
I lead two organizations teen Therapy Center and the nonprofit 501 c three organization, child
and Teen Counseling, both here in Woodland Hills, California. Every Wednesday at noon, I jump
onto Facebook Live to answer your parenting questions. Let's jump into today's any tips on
how I can control my teen from getting into instant messaging and social media sites? I could
block all those sites, but I don't want to do that. I really want my daughter to use them responsibly
only when she needs it. But she keeps misusing that access. She spends too much time on discord
and then keeps working on homework until early morning every single day. It is spoiling her
health and mine too. I don't know how to make

her understand how her habits are hurting her. I don't think you do make her understand that.
I don't think she's going to any more than your five year old is going to understand that chocolate
ice cream is not a viable meal, breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day. Your teenager has a developing
brain. It is not fully developed. It is an adolescent brain, which means she's going to be more
impulsive than the average adult. She's not going to be able to see cause and effect like the
average adult. This is not because she's a bad kid or anything. It's just it's biology. It is
just like a 14 year old boy can't grow a beard that well, your teenage daughter is going to have
a hard time recognizing that what she wants in the immediate is not good for her long term. She's
not going to see how it's affecting her sleep and her homework and all this stuff. So you're going
to have to step in and help set these boundaries with her. Now, mind you, now notice I didn't say
for her, although you may have

to, but you want to do it with her. So this is what I'm talking about. Not when you guys are stressed,
not when you're trying to get her do homework. Do this on a Sunday afternoon. It's kind of lazy,
easy going. And you sit her down and say, hey, we need to work this out because there's too much
screen time. It's interfering with your homework, interfering with your sleep. She'll probably
get upset. Stay calm. Don't jump into the argument. Stay calm. One of you has to be the mature,
responsible adult in that conversation, and your teenage daughter is not qualified. But if
you're calm and you talk to her about setting boundaries, perhaps instead of doing her homework
in her room where she has no supervision, maybe doing it at the dining room table or the kitchen
table where you're around, whether you're getting dinner ready or you're doing your own emails
or something like that. You don't need to hover over her. But just being near her may minimize
not eliminate, but minimize some of the

distractions. You're not looking for perfection, just looking for good enough. Now, some
kids, most kids I know, I was one of these kids. If I have music, I focus better, but just quiet
ambient noise is way too distracting. So you tell her to pick a playlist, put the earbuds in and
go. She can't keep picking new songs every five minutes, and maybe that helps her focus. And
she's going to say, but wait, I've got to talk to my friends, talk about the homework assignment.
We're supposed to talk to each other. Okay, if you're doing it in the kitchen and I'm there, she's
not going to go too far afield. She's going to stay kind of within bounds. If she's going too far
and talking about social media too much or this and that, you can say, hey, I need to get back to
homework. Just a reminder. Hopefully she gets back to it. Hopefully that's good enough. If
not, you may have to set stricter boundaries. You may have to get some software on your phone
or your tablet that can shut things down on her

tablet and phone. There's plenty of these software apps out there. Go into your app store. There's
many of them. Don't think any of them are perfect. They all had their flaws. But you kind of shop
around, figure out which one's best for you. That way, instead of getting the tug of war with
the phone or the tablet, you just go on your phone and boop, turn off the tablet or boop, turn off
that application, turn off Instagram or whatever it is you need to do from your phone. And again,
there are plenty of apps that do that. So I also would recommend, if sleep is an issue, figure
out what time is her sleep, what time you want her to go to sleep. Let's say it's 1030, for example.
She should be off screens an hour to two before she goes to sleep. Otherwise her brain is still
going to be really stimulated. Now, let's say it's 1030 is her bedtime. And you say, all right,
I need you off screens by 09:00. That means you too. Walk the walk you're asking your daughter
to make. If you want her off screens

at nine, then you be off screens too. Now, I know you're thinking, hey, I'm an adult. I've worked
hard all day. I want to watch my show. Set the example for your daughter. It's going to go a lot
better. As if you're on your screens and you're doing your Facebook likes and she can't be on
her screens. It's going to scream of hypocrisy, and she will go down with the ship fighting you
on this. It'll cause a lot more resentment. Instead, take that time to have family time. I know,
crazy, right? Have some family time where you guys can connect without screens. It's a big topic.
I do a whole presentation on this topic, so I'm trying to shrink it all into one cute little video.
But if you have more questions on this, please email us at tipsonteens@teentherapycenter.com.
That's the same email if you want me to answer your question next week, your parenting question,
email us there. I'd love your questions. You can direct message us right here on Facebook. Thank
you very much. My name is Kent Toussaint

with teen therapy center and child and teen counseling. And I'll see you guys next week, Wednesday
at noon on Facebook live. Bye.