Should you break up with your kid’s therapist?

So your son likes his therapist, but you don't. Let's talk about that today on Tips on Teens.
My name is Kent Toussaint. I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist, and I specialize in
helping kids, teens, and families live happier lives. I lead two organizations, teen Therapy
Center and the nonprofit 501 C three organization, child and Teen Counseling, both here in
Woodland Hills, California. Every Wednesday at noon, I jump on a Facebook Live to answer your
parenting questions. Let's jump into today's. I'm not really happy with my son's therapist,
but my son likes him, so I don't know what to do. He's nine, and he's been in therapy for three months.
My ex and I thought it was a good idea after our divorce. I just don't really like the therapist's
personality. My impression is that he just doesn't get my son, and he's not really making the
effort to see him and instead is just imposing some kind of cookie cutter psychology school
template on him. My kid says he likes the therapist, but

he doesn't really have anything to compare him to. If I felt he was making some major progress,
I'd be happier to let it go, but I'm not sure if that's what's happening either. What's your advice?
Thank you for your question. I think it's a total legitimate question to have your son likes
his therapist, but you don't. The first thing I would do is check in with your son to get a feel
for why he likes his therapist. Does he feel safe with him? Do they have shared interests? Is
he funny? Does he feel listened to? Whatever it is, there's something about this therapist
that is resonating with your son. Secondly, I would check in with your ex, your co parent. What
is it they see in this therapist? Do they like this therapist? Do they not like this therapist?
Do they see it the same way? Do they see it differently? Maybe your son and your ex are seeing something
differently than you're not, perhaps. Or maybe they're seeing something you're seeing something
that they're not. And it's good to have
that conversation with your ex, not necessarily with your son. He's nine. And third, I think
after three months of therapy, it's probably a good time to have a good family session for all
three of you to come in. That's assuming you and your ex can be in the same room at the same time.
Sometimes that's not a healthy situation for a child. But assuming it is, it's important to
have that session to talk about how things have been going, where you're seeing progress, where
you'd like to see more progress with the plans going forward, things like that, and see if you
get a better feel for what's going on and if that answers your questions. And if not, I would jump
on a phone call with that therapist. Explain your concerns. What is it that therapist is not
understanding about your son? What is it that you're not getting that you would like to get?
Hopefully, your therapist can answer those questions to your liking. And if not, if for some
reason you and your ex feel like this therapist is not
the right therapist, then I encourage you to end therapy, but allow your son to say goodbye.
Make sure there's a session or two to process the end of that, because it seems like your son really
likes the therapist and has a connection with him. But if you feel he's not the right fit, it's
okay to find someone else. And again, when finding a therapist for a child, you want to make sure
you find someone who really understands how to work with kids. It's not the same thing with working
with a 29 or 49 year old. A nine year old is its own little animal. And you got to make sure you have
someone who can really connect with a nine year old who can talk about their interests, have
fun with them, where a nine year old feels like, wow, this person really gets me. And again, therapy
for a nine year old, generally, it's a lot of fun because they're nine. Not a lot of nine year olds
want to sit on the couch and just talk about serious topics. I've had those kids in my practice.
They're just the exception
to the rule. Most nine year olds are going to shoot hoops and play games and do art projects and
have fun. And in the middle of that, you kind of talk about some really interesting and important
things. So are they making the progress you want? Doesn't sound like they are. But what are the
goals you have? And that's something you really need to collaborate with your son, your ex,
and the therapist. All of you should be on the same team, the same page, working the same direction.
Anyways, I hope this helps. Feel free to give us a call here at Teen Therapy Center. The number's
down below if you want to contact us. If you have a question you'd like me to answer, you can always
email us@tipsontherapyscenter.com or direct message us right here on Facebook. We love questions.
Again. My name is Kent Toussaint and I lead Teen Therapy Center and the nonprofit 501 C Three
child and Teen Counseling. I will see you guys next Wednesday at noon with your parenting questions.
Bye.