Title: How Do You Find The Balance To Connect With Your Kids?
00:00:00 Speaker 1
But let's see how it goes and maybe we'll have time after dinner. I hate hearing those words come
out of my mouth. It's really hard to balance everything and have time to connect with my kids.
How much damage is this doing to our relationship and how can I handle it better? Thank you for
your question. I can speak for myself and probably every parent I know. I think everyone can
relate to this this problem. I think we all start with finding this balance of things that have
to get done while spending quality connective time with our kids. And those of you who've heard
me talk before, I preach this from the mountaintops. Connection. Connection, connection.
Connection is so important because everyone benefits from a positive, healthy connection
from parent to child and vice versa. And now notice I'm not using the word love. You can love someone
and not feel connected to them. It's really important that your kids feel connected to you,
that they feel that you enjoy being with them, that they
00:00:57 Speaker 1
feel seen and heard by you. Because if they have that, it helps develop a healthier and stronger
self esteem on their part. Also helps develop more cooperation and patience on their part with
you. So when you do say hey, let's feed the dogs together, let's make dinner together, let's
do this together, or hey, no, you can't go out tonight, or hey, you need to put down the iPad or
whatever it is. They're more patient and cooperative. Connection is the key to all that. If
he doesn't I talk all the time about how it doesn't matter if the parent is lenient or strict.
That is less important than how connected your child feels with the parent. So always remember
that the relationship between you and your child is paramount. It is so important. And it may
be that you need to reprioritize what needs to get done now. Especially if you're a single parent.
It's tough. There's a lot on your plate. Even if you're not a single parent, it's tough. Sometimes
you can have extended family come over and help
00:01:59 Speaker 1
out and hang out with the kids or help with the laundry dishes. Most likely you don't have that.
But sometimes we can do that. Obviously we had all the money in the world. We just hire staff.
But most of us can't hire staff. So how do we handle this? I think it's reprioritizing. What's
important is getting the laundry done more important than connecting with your kid? It is important.
I get that. You also may need to think about with dinner, how much prep time is realistic and do
you need to adjust that? Do you need to adjust to maybe a little more money? Having a meal prep
plan where they deliver food to you two or three times a week and that cuts out an hour of cooking
dinner, a half hour of cleaning up, that's an hour and a half are you buying quality time with
your kids again? Depending on your budget, they may not be an issue or may not be an option, but
it's something to consider. The dishes. How much do the dishes need to be done now? How much does
the laundry need to be done now?
00:02:56 Speaker 1
Can you incorporate the kids into it, into cleaning the dishes, cooking, feeding the dogs,
doing laundry? Again? The more connection, more quality time you have with your child, the
more likely they are to cooperate with that process. It will never be perfect. No kid will ever
do chores perfectly. It's just not going to happen. We just need to focus on good enough. Again,
what are we willing to sacrifice to have more time to connect? Because that connection again,
I can't hammer this home enough. Everyone benefits. Everyone is fulfilled by this. Your kid
becomes stronger and healthier. Your relationship with your kids is stronger, and healthier
is just as important as eating and education and all these things. Your connection, your relationship
with your child needs to be prioritized. And it's so easy to put on the back burner and hope that
we'll get back to it later. And it just never happens. Never happens. And by the time they're
16 years old, they're so disconnected from you. You feel
00:03:53 Speaker 1
like you have no control or no influence in your child. And a 16 year old, you really have no control.
You can have influence, but you don't have control anyways. Relook at your priorities. Work
with your kids, Farrell. What you guys can do to work together to find more quality time after
work so you guys can have that time and get to bed at a somewhat reasonable hour, get enough sleep
so you don't feel exhausted and can reconnect the next day. That's my answer for today. Thank
you for sending your question in. If you have a question you'd like me to answer here on Tips on
teens, email us at firstname.lastname@example.org. Again. My name is Kent Toussaint with
Teen Therapy Center and the nonprofit organization Child and Teen Counseling. I'll see you
next Wednesday at noon. Bye bye, guys.
Connection is the key!
Every parent can relate to the problem of wanting to get stuff done and not having enough time for their kids. How often do you hear yourself say “I’d love to do that with you but I have to do (fill in the task) first.” Balancing the things you have to get done with having quality connection time with your kid is hard. But guess which is more important?
It’s really important that your kids feel connected to you! Connection happens when your kids feel you enjoy being with them and they feel seen and heard by you. Connection with you develops healthier self esteem in your children. It also helps encourage more cooperation and patience from them.
Most of us can’t afford to hire help. In order to prioritize connecting with your kid you may have to rethink what you need to get done. Is doing the laundry more important than connecting? Can you adjust your plan and make things simper? Perhaps you can even incorporate the kids in doing some of the chores.
In the end, your connection with your kid is just as important as eating, studying, etc. Relook at your priorities so you can find more quality time after work. There’s a lot to say on the subject, but we’re up to the task in this Tips on Teens:
“Often when I get home from work my kids want me to play and interact with them. I’m usually tired from working, and I know that if I don’t start making dinner, feeding the dogs, etc, it will push everything back, the kids will get to bed late, and I’ll get to bed late and be even more exhausted the next day. It makes me feel really guilty to say to my son ‘I have to make dinner but let’s see how it goes and maybe we’ll have time after dinner.’ I hate hearing those words come out of my mouth! It’s really hard to balance everything and have time to connect with my kids. How much damage is this doing to our relationship, and how can I handle it better?”
Clinical Director Kent Toussaint answers your parenting questions every Wednesday at 12:00pm in our weekly segment Tips On Teens on Facebook Live. Have questions about parenting kids and teens? Send them to: TipsOnTeens@TeenTherapyCenter.com. We love to hear from you!
Head on over to our Facebook page every Wednesday at 12:00pm to watch LIVE! Check out our page here – https://www.facebook.com/TeenTherapyCenter/
If you have more questions or would like more information, please contact our Clinical Director, Kent Toussaint at 818.697.8555.