Title: What's the right approach to address my husband and son's marijuana use?
00:00:00 Speaker 1
You. So your high school son, your teenage son, is smoking weed. But that's not all. Your husband
is also smoking weed, and he's your son's supplier. What are you supposed to do? Well, let's
talk about that today on tips on teens. My name is Kent Toussaint. I'm a licensed marriage and family
therapist, and I specialize in helping kids, teens and families live happier lives lives.
I lead two organizations teen Therapy Center and the nonprofit 501 c three organization, child
and Teen Counseling, both here in Woodland Hills, California. Every Wednesday at noon, I jump
on the Facebook Live to answer your parenting questions. Let's jump into today's. My 16 year
old son smokes marijuana. My husband supplies it to him because he would rather my son get it
from a safe source rather than on the street. The problem is, he's smoking all the time. My husband
smokes too. I feel it's getting out of hand. How should I handle this? Thank you for your question.
It's probably more common than you may realize.
00:01:07 Speaker 1
Marijuana is rampant through our society. Some people think it's great, some people don't.
No matter where you stand on this, this can be a problem. Excessive anything can be too much.
And some of you right now are thinking, wait a minute, Kent. Marijuana, it's not that bad. It's
weed. Let's not blow this out of proportion. It's not heroin. And you are right, it is not heroin.
But it's not broccoli either. I think we have to keep in perspective that just because it's not
this horrible world thing of heroin or cocaine, it's not necessarily healthy for you either.
The situation with this right now is you have your husband who's condoning it and supplying
it. So this is not necessarily a parenting issue at this point. It is a relational issue between
you and your husband and what you guys feel is appropriate for your son. Now, if your son is smoking
weed all the time, he is going to be impaired all the time. And what do I mean by that? So if your
son and your teenage son, your son and your
00:02:03 Speaker 1
husband smoke weed together and they're high together, they're having a great time. Several
hours later, they both sober up. Your husband's brain is probably pretty much back to normal
because it's more of an adult brain that's solidified. It's done developing. Your son's brain
is not done developing. So your son's brain is still going to be impaired for the next two or three
days, even though he doesn't feel high. It's going to impact his ability to learn, adapt emotional
regulation to remember. Memory is a big issue. Another thing that people overlook is extended
marijuana use during adolescence can lead to schizophrenia later in life. It's not guaranteed,
but it definitely increases the chances. There have been study after study after study that
show this side effect. So it's really important that you and your husband talk about this now.
Maybe that your husband has a dependency on marijuana. And people say you can't get addicted
to marijuana. Of course you can. It's not the same addiction
00:03:02 Speaker 1
as it would be to cigarettes or heroin. You're right. But there's still definitely an emotional
component to this that's not being addressed. Someone who's smoking every day is avoiding
their own internal processes. Just like if you're drinking every day and getting drunk every
day, that's a problem. If they were drinking as much, they're smoking. Would you have a concern
with this? You might. Now, again, alcohol, marijuana are two different substances, but there
are a lot of parallels here that I think need to be addressed. I think the first thing you do is
address this with your husband. Maybe do some couples counseling to focus on what's going on
here. Because your son is not only being supported in his smoking, he's being supplied by his
dad. Now, his dad may be right. His dad may be getting him better quality weed. He's still smoking
weed, and that is a concern. Now, if he was smoking, oh, he smoked once a month at a party here and
there. It's not an ideal situation, but it's probably
00:04:02 Speaker 1
not going to impact him in a great grand scheme of things. He's smoking every day, multiple times
a day. That's a problem. He's not able to cope with life. He's not able to remember what he needs
to remember. He's not able to learn. His emotional capacity is stunted back to whenever he started
smoking weed, that's when his emotional growth stopped. And when he stopped smoking weed,
that's when his emotional growth would start again. So if he started at 14, let's say, and he's
16, emotionally, he is still 14. And if he's still smoking until he's 21, 22, he's still emotionally
kind of 14. And that's why you want to address this. It's a big topic. Again, I think this is really
more a focus of between you and your husband to get that straightened away. Because once you
get that straightened away, then you can deal with your son. As long as your husband is supplying
and supporting his weed habits, I don't think there's much you can do. I wish I had a better answer
for you. This is a tough situation
00:04:55 Speaker 1
and not an easy thing to deal with. Make sure that you're getting your support, even if your husband
is not willing to get involved in this. Anyways, thank you for your question. Again. My name
is Kent Toussaint. I'll be off the next two Wednesdays, so I'll be back on I think it's July 12, 13th.
I'm blanking on the day, but I'll be back that week for tips on teens. If you'd like me to answer
your question that week, you can email us at firstname.lastname@example.org or direct
message us right here on Facebook. We love your questions. Again, my name is Kenta Toussaint with
Teen Therapy Center and Child and Teen Counseling and hope you guys all have a great, wonderful
and safe 4 July holiday. Bye bye.
It’s Not Broccoli…
Some parents choose to mitigate their child’s drug use by becoming their kid’s own supplier. They think that procuring their kids’ marijuana is safer because it keeps them from doing drug deals and hopefully steers them away from “harder” drugs. But while marijuana might not be as destructive as say, heroin, it’s not broccoli either!
The effects of weed smoking on the developing teenage brain are more impactful and long lasting than some parents know. While it might take an adult a few hours to recover from getting high, a developing teenage brain can be impaired for several days. Extended Marijuana use in the teen years stunts emotional growth, impacts a child’s memory and ability to learn, and can even lead to schizophrenia as an adult.
If you and your spouse are not on the same page about this topic, it’s important to get there quickly. You can only begin to address your kid’s marijuana use if you and your spouse have an understanding. If you find yourself in this situation then couples counseling is the place to start.
It’s a tough issue, but it’s a lot more common than you might think, and we talk about it in this Tips on Teens:
“My sixteen year old son smokes marijuana. My husband supplies it to him because he would rather my son get it from a safe source rather than on the street. The problem is he’s smoking all the time. My husband smokes too. I feel it’s getting out of hand. How should I address this?”
Clinical Director Kent Toussaint answers your parenting questions every Wednesday at 12:00pm in our weekly segment Tips On Teens on Facebook Live. Have questions about parenting kids and teens? Send them to: TipsOnTeens@TeenTherapyCenter.com. We love to hear from you!
Head on over to our Facebook page every Wednesday at 12:00pm to watch LIVE! Check out our page here – https://www.facebook.com/TeenTherapyCenter/
If you have more questions or would like more information, please contact our Clinical Director, Kent Toussaint at 818.697.8555.