your teenage son wants to date, but you're scared he's going to get distracted from school,
get his heart broken. What are you going to do? Well, let's talk about that today on Tips on Teens.
My name is Kent Toussaint. I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist, and I specialize in
helping kids, teens, and families to live happier lives. By the way, if you or someone you care
for could really benefit from talking to a family therapist, please reach out to us here at Teen
Therapy Center. Our contact information is down below. Now, let's jump into today's parent
-submitted question here on today's Tips on Teens. Recently, my teenage son, age 16, admitted
that he likes a girl and that they hang out. I appreciated that he told me the truth, but not happy
that he is going through this at this young age. We know the girl through and she's nice. I have
nothing against her or her family, but how do I tell my son to take it slow? Can't they be friends
for a few years and see how it goes? After
all, he is only 16 and she is 17. They have a long way to go in college and life. I don't want this
to distract their focus from school that they need at this age. I know most teenage relationships
don't last long, but if so, why go through the pain, etc., at this young age? Thank you for your
question. I think a lot of parents can relate to this. I have a cheesy catchphrase for this. Are
you ready for this? All right. You cannot stop the tide of love, but you can teach him how to swim.
What does that mean? It means that high school is not just about calculus and AP English. It's
about relationships and interacting with peers, figuring out who you are, how you fit in the
world. It's not just about the books. It's about the relationships. He's wanting to go into
this relationship. Sounds like a pretty healthy mindset. He's letting you know. I think, again,
you're not going to stop the tide of love. You're not going to say, just don't have those feelings.
He's going to have those feelings.
Love is powerful. How do you help him not stop the tide, but teach him how to swim? Help him go into
this relationship with boundaries. Still has to do his schoolwork. Still has to do his extracurriculars.
Still has to pick up his socks. Still has to have some family time, but also have this dating relationship.
It's scary for you. Will it end? Probably, but it's going to teach him so much about being in a
relationship and how to have healthier relationships down the line. This is likely not his
last relationship. He will likely have several relationships before he finds that right person
for the rest of his life. I think it's important for him to learn in real life settings with the
safety of your connection and your love and acceptance. Again, going over things like what
is consent? What are safe sex? What are the boundaries and rules about physical intimacy that
you want to have? Every family is going to be different. By the way, we have a full parent guide
on teen dating. It's a YouTube
video. You can check out the link below. It's a full video. I encourage you to check that out,
but I encourage you to help him along with this. Coach him. Teach him. Help support him so he has
a safe place to learn and fall on his face and get back up with your assistance. Thank you so much.
Again, my name is Kent Toussaint with Teen Therapy Center and the nonprofit Child and Teen Counseling.
Across both organizations, we have therapists for pretty much every budget. We're located
here in Woodland Hills. Thank you so much. We'll see you next time. Bye -bye.
TEENS IN LOVE
They say “you can’t stop the tides of love, but you can teach a teenager to swim.” Teens have been dating since the beginning of time. There’s no way to stop them! As a parent, you’re way better off accepting the relationship and possibly holding your tongue. Anything you try to say in opposition will only push your teen deeper into the situation (we have a whole video about this here). Ideally, you want them to feel you accept their decisions because it will increase the likelihood that when the relationship does end (and it will), they’ll feel comfortable coming to you for support.
NO SUBSTITUTE FOR EXPERIENCE
We would remind concerned parents that being a teen, being in high school, etc, is about way more than books and getting into college. It’s also about learning to navigate social connections and relationships. Your kid’s first foray into romance will open up opportunities for you to teach or model good relationship skills. It’s going to happen either way, so you need to be ready to step in and support your kid when the time comes.
You can’t stop your teen from being in love, because love is a strong feeling! But you can educate them and help them navigate the relationship so that hopefully it can be a healthy learning experience, because we can almost guarantee it won’t be their “forever relationship!” Want more information on how to not lose your mind when your teen starts to date? Check out our Parent Guide to Teen Dating here.
Clinical Director Kent Toussaint answers your parenting questions every Wednesday at 12:00pm in our weekly segment Tips On Teens on Facebook Live. Have questions about parenting kids and teens? Send them to: TipsOnTeens@TeenTherapyCenter.com. We love to hear from you!
Head on over to our Facebook page every Wednesday at 12:00pm to watch LIVE! Check out our page here – https://www.facebook.com/TeenTherapyCenter/
If you have more questions or would like more information, please contact our Clinical Director, Kent Toussaint at 818.697.8555.