Your teenager is not getting enough sleep. How do you help her?
Hi, my name is Kent Toussaint with Teen Therapy Center and the nonprofit 501(c)(3) organization Child and Teen Counseling, both here in Woodland Hills, California. Every Wednesday at noon, I jump onto Facebook Live to answer your parenting questions. If you need more support with your child, teenager, or family, please contact us at the link below. You can also join our Facebook group, Tips on Teens, and sign up for our email list. Thanks a lot. All right, here's our question on Tips on Teens.
"Hey Kent. My 15 year old isn't getting enough sleep. I feel like since the beginning of the school year she's been getting to bed later and later because of homework and school projects. It's turned into a vicious cycle. I think she also has anxiety that's keeping her up as well. It takes her a long time to fall asleep now. Any suggestions on how to go about tackling this problem?"
Thank you for the question. There are many reasons why this could be happening. I don't know your family, so I can't say for sure, but here are some things worth checking.
Number one, screen time. What is her relationship with screens? How much is she on them, not just for school, but social media, videos, gaming, Discord, whatever it is? Most kids are on screens a majority of the day. Just recreational use is four to six hours a day, and that's not including school time. What the research is finding is that all that excessive screen time is impacting a teenager's brain, impacting mood regulation and hormone development, and hormones are a big part of how we show up in the world. It's really important that we help our mood regulation, so it's important that we help your child pull back on screens. We can't expect that she's going to self regulate this on her own.
She's a teenager. She has a developing prefrontal cortex, right here in the front of the brain, that handles emotional regulation, impulse control, and the ability to see cause and effect, and that's impaired. Not her fault. She's 15. Every 15 year old's prefrontal cortex is impaired compared to an adult's. So you may need to work with her to make sure that if her bedtime is, say, 11 o'clock, by 9:30 she's logged off of all screens, because it takes a while for the brain to recalibrate after being on a screen so much.
I know this may sound like a daunting task, but you may also need to help her manage her time better when she gets home from school. She has her snack, and then how does she start rolling into homework without her phone in her hand? So many teenagers have that FOMO, the fear of missing out. They're scared that if they're not responding right away, they'll lose everything. We need to find a way to help your child slow down on the screens. I'm not saying take them away completely, because that's kind of like toothpaste out of the tube. But we need some boundaries here to help her, because she can't do it herself.
The most important thing underneath all of this is: do you have a strong, healthy, supportive relationship with your daughter? I know that's hard to do with a teenager. But make sure there's time where you two can relate to each other, connect, when it's not about homework, not about socks on the floor, not about anything else, but where she feels like you enjoy being with her. She's going to push away from you a little bit. That's normal. I encourage you to keep making that effort.
A few other things to keep in mind, and you should double check these with your pediatrician, dietitian, or nutritionist: caffeine use can impact her sleep and her anxiety. Sugar too. I'm not an expert on all of that, but from common sense and from all the clients I've worked with anecdotally, it can be a big part of it. I'd encourage you to consult with your medical professionals to confirm whether those things are part of it.
And then there's the anxiety itself. What's causing it? If it's stress at school, stress at home, giving your daughter a safe place to talk through that, whether that's group therapy, individual therapy, or family therapy, where she can process through it and get on top of that anxiety, may help her fall asleep.
Also, moderate physical activity. So many of us are sedentary because we're so used to sitting down and being on a screen, and she may need to get more exercise. Again, talk to your doctor about what's an appropriate level of exercise for your daughter.
It's a big topic. It could be a lot of things, but these are the big ones I see often in my practice with the teens and kids I work with who are struggling with sleep. It's a big deal. Your teenager needs at least, according to studies, about nine hours of sleep a night. I know that's a tall order, but I encourage you to find a way to get there, because sleep is going to help her regulate her emotions and her anxiety, and help her be a more functional human being.
That's our question for today. Again, my name is Kent Toussaint with Teen Therapy Center and Child and Teen Counseling. If you'd like your question answered here on Tips on Teens, email us at [email protected], or send us a direct message right here on Facebook. And if you'd like more support at Teen Therapy Center or Child and Teen Counseling, give us a call. We'd love to support you. Thanks again, guys. See you next Wednesday. Bye bye.
Your Teen Isn't Getting Enough Sleep: What Should You Do?
Why So Many Teens Are Running on Empty
If bedtime keeps sliding later and later at your house, you are far from alone. Here is a version of this question we hear constantly on Tips on Teens:
“My 15 year old isn’t getting enough sleep. I feel like since the beginning of the school year she’s been getting to bed later and later because of homework and school projects. It’s turned into a vicious cycle. I think she also has anxiety that’s keeping her up as well. It takes her a long time to fall asleep now. Any suggestions on how to go about tackling this problem?”
We do not know your family, so we cannot say for certain what is driving it in your house. But when we see a teen sliding into this pattern, a handful of things are almost always worth checking first.
Start With Screens
The first question we ask is about screens. Not just school related use, but social media, video, gaming, texting, all of it. Most teens are on some kind of screen for a majority of their waking hours, and recreational use alone averages four to six hours a day, before school work is even factored in. Research is increasingly clear that this level of exposure affects a teenager’s mood regulation and hormone development, both of which play directly into how well, and how easily, they sleep.
We cannot expect a teenager to self regulate this on their own. Their prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that handles emotional regulation, impulse control, and cause and effect thinking, is still developing and will not fully mature until around age 25. That is not a discipline problem. It is biology. So if bedtime is 11:00, we would want screens off by around 9:30, since it takes time for a teenager’s brain to recalibrate after heavy screen use.
We are not suggesting taking the phone away entirely. That rarely works, and it usually is not necessary. What tends to help more is a boundary around the hour or two before bed, along with a plan for how your teen transitions from school, to a snack, to homework, without a phone in hand the entire time. A lot of what looks like resistance here is actually FOMO, the fear that stepping away from the phone for even a few minutes means missing something important. That fear is real to them, even when it looks small to us.
Build the Relationship, Not Just the Rule
None of these boundaries land well without a strong, connected relationship underneath them. We would ask: is there time in your week where you and your teen connect about something other than homework, chores, or what needs fixing? That connection is what makes a teenager willing to work with a boundary instead of just against it. Expect some pushback and some pulling away. That is developmentally normal. Keep making the effort anyway.
Rule Out the Physical Factors
A few other things are worth a look, ideally with your pediatrician, dietitian, or another medical professional. Caffeine and sugar intake can affect both sleep and anxiety. So can how sedentary your teen’s day is. A lot of us, teens included, spend most of our waking hours sitting down in front of a screen, and moderate physical activity during the day genuinely helps sleep at night. We are not medical specialists, but these are patterns we see often enough in our practice to flag them as worth checking.
When Anxiety Is the Real Cause
If your teen’s sleep problem looks less like screen habits and more like a racing mind at bedtime, it is worth asking what is underneath that anxiety. Stress at school, stress at home, social pressure, all of it can show up as a teenager who cannot fall asleep. Giving your teen a safe place to actually talk through what is on their mind, whether that is individual therapy, family therapy, or a therapy group, can take real pressure off at bedtime. Sleep and emotional regulation are closely linked, and addressing the anxiety underneath a sleep problem often does more than any sleep hygiene tip on its own.
How Much Sleep Does Your Teen Actually Need
According to sleep research, teenagers need roughly nine hours a night. We know that can sound like a tall order against a full course load and after school activities, but it is worth protecting. Sleep is one of the more powerful levers we have for a teenager’s mood regulation, their anxiety, and their ability to function and show up as themselves day to day.
FAQ
How much sleep does a teenager actually need? Most sleep research points to around nine hours a night for teenagers. Very few teens are getting that much, especially once homework, extracurriculars, and social lives are factored in, but it is worth treating as the real target rather than a nice to have.
Is screen time really the main reason my teen isn’t sleeping? It is one of the most common factors we see, but rarely the only one. Heavy recreational screen use, four to six hours a day on average for most teens, affects mood regulation and makes it harder for the brain to wind down at night. We would look at screens first, then check anxiety, caffeine, sugar, and activity level alongside it.
Should I just take my teen’s phone away at bedtime? We would not recommend removing it entirely. That approach tends to create conflict without solving the underlying habit. A boundary around the hour or two before bed, paired with a plan for how your teen disconnects gradually, tends to work better than an all or nothing rule.
What if my teen’s sleep problem seems connected to anxiety, not screens? That is common, and it usually needs a different approach than a screen boundary. Giving your teen a safe space to process what is actually on their mind, through individual, group, or family therapy, often does more for their sleep than any bedtime routine change on its own.
Could caffeine or diet be part of the problem? It can be. Caffeine and sugar intake can affect both sleep and anxiety levels, though we would encourage checking with a pediatrician, dietitian, or nutritionist to confirm what role it may be playing for your specific teen.
When should we get outside help instead of just adjusting habits at home? If you have addressed screens, routine, and the physical basics and your teen is still struggling to fall or stay asleep, especially if anxiety seems to be driving it, that is a good sign it is time to bring in a therapist. Sleep problems that are rooted in anxiety rarely resolve through sleep hygiene changes alone.
Get In Touch
If your teen’s sleep struggles seem tied to anxiety, stress, or something bigger than a bedtime routine, we are here to help. Teen Therapy Center and Child & Teen Counseling serve families throughout the West San Fernando Valley, including Woodland Hills, West Hills, Calabasas, Tarzana, Encino, Hidden Hills, and Agoura Hills.
Contact Kent Toussaint, LMFT, Clinical Director, for a free phone consultation:
Kent Toussaint, LMFT 5550 Topanga Canyon Blvd., Suite 150 Woodland Hills, CA 91367 (818) 697-8555 [email protected] https://teentherapycenter.com
If you have more questions or would like more information, please contact our Clinical Director, Kent Toussaint at 818.697.8555.