My Child Struggles With Executive Functioning. What Does That Mean and What Can I Do?

What Is Executive Functioning, Exactly?

A parent writes in about her fourth-grade daughter. Homework takes forever. Getting ready for bed takes forever. She struggles to organize herself in just about every area of daily life. The parent has heard the term “executive functioning” and wonders if that’s what’s going on, and what she can do about it.

It’s a question we hear from parents of kids across a wide age range, and it’s worth starting with a clear answer to the basic question: what is executive functioning?

Executive functioning refers to a set of mental skills managed primarily by the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for planning, organization, time management, impulse control, working memory, and the ability to shift between tasks. When these skills are working well, a child can look at a task, break it down into steps, sequence those steps, and follow through to completion. When they’re not working well, even simple tasks like brushing teeth or packing a backpack can feel overwhelming or take an extraordinarily long time.

Executive functioning challenges are common. They show up in children with ADHD, anxiety, autism, learning differences, and in some kids with no formal diagnosis at all. They are not a sign of laziness or defiance. They are a reflection of how a child’s brain is currently organized, and they are very treatable.

The Most Important Thing First

Before we get into strategies and interventions, here is the single most important piece of advice we can offer, and it’s the one we lead with every time: prioritize your relationship and connection with your daughter above everything else.

We know that’s not what most parents expect to hear. You’re looking for tools, systems, maybe a diagnosis. And those things matter. But none of them work nearly as well in the absence of a warm, trusting, connected relationship between you and your child.

The more connection there is between you, the more likely she is to cooperate with your expectations. The more she feels enjoyed, respected, and valued by you, the more she is going to want to show up for the work you’re both doing together. And the more she feels like a burden or a source of frustration, the harder everything becomes.

So as you read through the rest of this, keep coming back to that foundation. Connection first. Everything else follows.

Get Her Assessed

If your daughter’s executive functioning difficulties are significantly impacting her daily life and schooling, the next step is a proper assessment. An educational therapist or psychologist can run a battery of tests to identify whether there are learning differences, attention issues, processing difficulties, or other factors contributing to what you’re seeing.

This matters for several reasons. First, it gives you an accurate picture of what’s actually going on rather than guessing. Second, it opens the door to targeted interventions, whether that’s educational therapy, occupational therapy, or a conversation with a psychiatrist about whether medication might be appropriate. Third, a formal diagnosis can qualify your daughter for an IEP or 504 plan through her school, which is a government-mandated program that requires the school to make accommodations, such as reduced homework load, extended time on tests, or other supports tailored to her needs.

Don’t let the assessment process feel intimidating. It’s information, and information is power.

Look at the Basics

Before layering in complex interventions, it’s worth making sure the foundations are in place. These are the things that make the biggest difference and get overlooked most often.

Sleep. A fourth grader needs at least nine hours of sleep a night, and ideally ten. We know that’s not always achievable, but sleep deprivation has a direct and measurable impact on executive functioning. A child who is chronically undertested is going to struggle significantly more with planning, attention, and emotional regulation than one who is well rested.

Screen time. Heavy screen use can look remarkably similar to ADHD. It stimulates the brain in ways that increase irritability and impulsivity, and it makes the kind of sustained, low-stimulation attention that homework requires feel nearly impossible by comparison. Reducing screen time, especially in the hours before homework and bed, can make a meaningful difference.

Diet and nutrition. We want to be careful here because the research on specific foods and supplements is mixed. But anecdotally, many families we work with have found that reducing certain foods or adding particular supplements shifted things meaningfully for their child. It’s worth exploring with your pediatrician.

Exercise. Physical activity is one of the most well-supported interventions for attention and executive functioning in children. Even a 20-minute walk before homework can change how her brain shows up for the task.

Practical Strategies That Help

Body doubling. This is one of the most effective and underused tools for kids with executive functioning challenges. Rather than leaving your daughter alone in her room to do homework, have her do it at the kitchen table while you sit nearby doing your own work, answering emails, or reading. You’re not helping her or coaching her. You’re simply present. This kind of quiet companionship helps many kids with attention difficulties stay on task in a way they simply can’t when they’re alone. It’s not a crutch. It’s a legitimate support strategy.

Turn routine tasks into connection moments. Bedtime routines feel like a battle partly because they’re experienced as obligations with a parent waiting impatiently at the finish line. What if they were something else? Brush your teeth together. Be goofy about it. Make it a moment rather than a chore. She may remember that for the rest of her life in a way she will absolutely not remember whether she brushed her teeth on time at age ten.

Break tasks into visible steps. Kids with executive functioning difficulties often struggle to see a task as a sequence of smaller actions. Making those steps explicit and visible, whether through a checklist, a simple chart, or a verbal walkthrough, removes the cognitive load of having to figure out where to start. The goal is to make the invisible visible.

Praise effort, not outcomes. When your daughter does manage to get through her homework or her bedtime routine, acknowledge it warmly. Focus on the fact that she did it, not on whether she did it perfectly. Perfectionism is the enemy of progress here, and the goal at this stage is building a track record of success, however small.

Accept Imperfection

This is perhaps the hardest piece of advice to really internalize: your daughter is not going to do any of this perfectly, and neither are you. There will be nights when nothing works. There will be weeks when the system you carefully built falls apart completely. That is not failure. That is parenting a child with executive functioning challenges.

The progress is rarely linear. It happens gradually, in fits and starts, and it often looks invisible until suddenly you realize that something that used to take an hour now takes thirty minutes, or that a routine that used to require ten reminders now requires three. Keep going. Keep connecting. Keep celebrating the small wins.

FAQ

What is executive functioning and why does my child struggle with it?

Executive functioning refers to a set of cognitive skills managed by the prefrontal cortex, including planning, organization, working memory, time management, impulse control, and task completion. When these skills are underdeveloped or impaired, even simple tasks like getting ready for bed or starting homework can feel overwhelming. Executive functioning challenges are common in children with ADHD, anxiety, learning differences, and autism, but also appear in children without a formal diagnosis. They are not a character flaw or a sign of laziness. They reflect how the brain is currently wired, and they are treatable.

Should I get my child assessed for executive functioning difficulties?

Yes, if the challenges are significantly affecting her daily life, schoolwork, or your family’s functioning. An educational therapist or psychologist can run a comprehensive assessment to identify what’s going on and recommend targeted interventions. A formal diagnosis can also qualify your child for an IEP or 504 plan, which legally requires her school to make specific accommodations. Assessment is information, and the more accurate your picture of what’s happening, the more effectively you can respond.

What is body doubling and does it actually help?

Body doubling is the practice of having a child do a task, like homework, in the physical presence of another person who is doing their own quiet work nearby. Research and clinical experience both support its effectiveness for children and adults with attention and executive functioning difficulties. The presence of another person provides a kind of external regulation that helps the child stay on task in a way they often can’t when alone. It’s not about supervision or hovering. You’re simply there, which makes a significant difference for many kids.

How does screen time affect executive functioning?

Heavy screen use, particularly video games and fast-paced video content, stimulates the brain in ways that increase impulsivity and irritability while making sustained, low-stimulation tasks feel nearly unbearable by comparison. In some children, excessive screen time can produce symptoms that closely resemble ADHD. Reducing screen time, especially in the hours before homework and bedtime, is one of the most accessible and impactful adjustments parents can make.

My daughter already has a diagnosis. Is therapy still useful?

Absolutely. A diagnosis tells you what’s going on neurologically. Therapy helps your daughter develop strategies for navigating the world with those neurological differences, and helps your family build the communication and connection patterns that make everything else work better. At Teen Therapy Center in Woodland Hills, we work with kids who have executive functioning challenges alongside their parents to build practical, sustainable approaches that actually fit their family’s life.

Get In Touch!

If your child is struggling with executive functioning and you’re not sure where to start, we’re here to help. At Teen Therapy Center in Woodland Hills, we work with kids, families, and parents navigating attention, organization, and executive functioning challenges every day. We can help you understand what’s going on, connect you with the right resources, and build a plan that actually works for your family. We serve families throughout the West San Fernando Valley, including Woodland Hills, West Hills, Calabasas, Tarzana, and Encino. Reach out today for a free phone consultation.