What do you do when your kid is getting cyber-bullied?

Is your teenager getting cyberbullied? Well, let's talk about it today on Tips on Teens. My
name is Kent Toussaint. I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist, and I specialize in helping
kids, teens, and families live happier lives. I lead two organizations, the group Private
Practice Teen Therapy Center, and the nonprofit 501c3 organization, Child and Teen Counseling,
both here in Woodland Hills, California. Every Wednesday at noon, I come to you live on Facebook
to answer your parenting questions. Let's jump into today's. Recently, I found that my 15 -year
-old daughter is being cyberbullied. She's an honor student and part of the student council
too. We found out that a group of acquaintances had a private chat going that she wasn't a part
of. They were saying mean things about her. Then, someone created a hate page on Instagram.
I didn't even know these existed, But it's where someone creates a page just to bully someone.
People posted screenshots of texts they had with her and doctored

pictures of her with mean things written on them. I want to contact the principal and ask him
to help make it stop, but she says if I do, she thinks the bullying will get worse. I'm really scared
about the toll this is having on her. My heart is breaking and I don't know what to do to help her.
This is a horrible situation and my heart goes out to you and your family and and especially your
daughter who's going through this. No one deserves to go through this. Cyberbullying in general,
but especially cyberbullying, can be incredibly traumatic. And I mean traumatic as in trauma.
It is emotional trauma. It can have lasting impacts on kids, teens, even adults. So, it's really
important that she, your daughter, is getting the support she needs. First and foremost, from
you. Before you rush off to see the principal, which I think is a really good idea, but before
you do that, make sure that your daughter is feeling heard and understood by you. That means
sitting on the couch, maybe your arm

around her, letting her cry. Don't give advice. Just listen. Just listen. And it's hard to do
because it gets our anxiety going as parents. It gets us going and we want to go find action. We
want to come in and save the day because we know what to do. Take your time. Be patient. Let her
have her grieving process. Also, if it's on Instagram, it's most likely that other people know
about it, which means her friends probably know about it. And if your daughter's in, you know,
student council and leadership, she probably has a few close friends that she can rely on and
trust. So I would involve them. Make sure that they are there to support her, too. Whether these
are people who are in your pod, your quarantine pod, and can come over your house, or maybe it's
just over phone or FaceTime, make sure that they're supporting her so she's not feeling so alone.
Once she's feeling not so alone and she's able to calm down, she may be able to hear that when bullying
is a secret, it works really well,

and it's hard to get out of it. But when a lot of people know about it, when authorities know about
it, like parents, teachers, coaches, police, it's hard to keep it going. So, I would encourage
you to help guide her towards that in time, and on her speed, to go to the principal. It is, at least
in California, I don't know where this family's from, but in California, cyberbullying is
a crime, and it's something that schools must report. If you find your school is not doing what
it needs to do, go to the higher level. If it's a public school, go to the school administrator,
the school superintendent, perhaps. If it's a private school, go to the school board. There
are people there who should be able to help your daughter get through this. Another thing, if
there are threats in these posts, or if there are doctored photos which portray your daughter
in a pornographic image, even though it's doctored, not really her, that is still against the
law. That is trafficking child pornography and

needs to be reported to the police. They're responsible for handling this stuff. And she may
think, oh, that's embarrassing, oh my gosh, but you know what, it's already out there. The embarrassment's
there. There's nothing gonna change that. It's not gonna make any of this go away, but it's gonna
clean it up, and that's what I think is gonna help, and help her feel more empowered, And less
helpless in these kind of situations if you find out who's doing this you may already know But
you may not if you find out if there's a chance for reconciliation. I encourage you to work towards
that Again, you may have to have your daughter in some therapy or talking to her You know her her
priest or her rabbi or someone getting her giving her support outside of you perhaps If there
is a chance for reconciliation I encourage you to find a way to do it because Lowering the hammer
and getting vengeance is one thing it may feel good in the moment But it has a tendency to make
things come back again possibly

You may not have the opportunity to reconcile. I totally get that but if you do if the kids have
done this are able to show remorse Apologize take ownership for these actions and help them
come together Not only does it help your daughter, but maybe helps these kids who probably have
their own hurts themselves They're not dealing with otherwise. They wouldn't be doing something
so painful and hurtful in the first place Maybe that's what helps them gain the empathy for not
only your daughter, but other possible victims and maybe even themselves It's a complicated
issue and deserves a lot of talking But I really think the most important thing is you be there
be patient be empathic Bring others to help and support her that she can trust Then go to the authorities
and let the authorities do their job. If they're not doing the job, keep going up the ladder until
someone does do their job. Usually they will. But it's a big topic. Don't leave this alone. It
doesn't get better usually on its own.

Anyways, that is your question on Tips on Teens. Again, my name is Kent Toussaint, Licensed
Marriage and Family Therapist. If you like your question answered on Tips on Teens, you can
email us at tipsonteens at teen Therapy center comm or direct messages right here on Facebook
or on Instagram or on Twitter We love your comments. Keep your questions coming and I'll see
you guys next Wednesday. Talk to you soon. Bye. Bye