Are you and your spouse disagreeing if it is safe to bring together your two blended families for Thanksgiving dinner during quarantine?

Are you and your spouse disagreeing on how to bring together your blended families for Thanksgiving
dinner during a quarantine? Well, let's talk about it today on Tips on Teens. My name is Kent
Toussaint. I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist, and I specialize in helping kids,
teens, and families live happier lives. I lead two organizations here in Woodland Hills, California.
The first is the Group Private Practice Teen Therapy Center, and also the non -profit 501c3
organization Child and Teen Counseling, both here in Woodland Hills, California. Every Wednesday
at noon, I come to you on Facebook Live to answer your parenting questions, and today is no different.
Let's jump right into today's. My husband wants to have his two kids from his previous marriage
over for Thanksgiving, and I'm really uncomfortable about it. Since quarantine, we've been
seeing them on a limited basis and always outside, but it's caused some tension between us because
they don't respect the basic quarantine

rules. They almost never wear a mask and they get really close. I'm tired of being the bad guy
and feeling so uptight all the time but I want my family to be safe. I'd love to have a harmonious
family holiday but I hate being the enforcer and I just might lose it. Any advice on how to navigate
this? Yes. Thank you for your question. I think there are a lot of parents out there who who are
wrestling with this very question. First of all, I think it's important that you and your husband
find some way to be a united front. If you guys are not agreeing on this, it's not gonna work. You
guys have to find some way to hammer things out where there's a resolution of what is safe, what
is not safe, that both you are on the same page and can agree to. This is not about expecting the
stepkids or your kids or anyone else to create the rules or follow the rules. It's about you and
your husband establishing these boundaries and enforcing them together now with your stepkids
I'm imagining there may be

some tension. Maybe not. I don't know. I'm only I'm projecting I'm speculating on from the email
that you sent But if you're the one who's the enforcer this is gonna go very badly because it will
be misconstrued as you the step -parent trying to alienate your husband's kids from him and
his kids are gonna feel it and The ex -wife is sure gonna feel it, and you're gonna be seen as the
bad guy. And we want to avoid that. So it's really important that you and your husband are united
front, and when your husband explains the rules to his kids and to his ex -wife, that he doesn't
say, well, my wife wants it this way, so this is the way it's gotta be. It's, we want it this way.
Otherwise, if he throws you under the bus, it's the same thing as you being the enforcer. So it's
really important that you guys are united. Now, finding some compromises, finding some solutions
I think is important to have some kind of flexibility. You know, do you have Thanksgiving lunch
instead of dinner? Maybe outside

in the backyard patio, so it's a little warmer, a little more temperate. It's not 50 degrees
outside and everyone's freezing. You know, is that a more safe way to do it where it's outside
and, you know, on the patio and the picnic tables outside? I don't know. I don't know the exact
rules for your house because every house will be different. But it's really important that
you and your husband sit down and have a serious conversation, maybe several serious conversations
on how to make this work. He's a dad. I'm sure he loves his kids from the previous marriage. We
don't want to alienate him from that family because that's important. There may even be a connection
between your stepkids and your kids with your husband now. We want to make sure that they have
a relationship as well and nurture that relationship. It's important. These kids are going
to be connected forever. so it's really important you find a way to find a common ground but if
we make this as a us versus them thing it's never

gonna work you have to find some way to have a common ground and hopefully through empathy and
compassion and patience everyone you your husband your kids your stepkids your stepkids mom
all of you can find some kind of workable common ground for Thanksgiving I know it's not easy
if it was easy you would have solved this already. This is a difficult, difficult situation
to handle, and I encourage you to make sure that you and your husband, again, are really working
together on this. I love this question. Keep your questions coming. If you have a question you'd
like me to answer, please email us at tipsonteens at teentherapycenter .com or you can direct
messages right here on Facebook. Again, my name is Kent Toussaint from Teen Therapy Center
and Child and Teen Counseling, and we'll see you guys next week, the day before Thanksgiving.
Take care. Bye bye.