Help me with my boy Crazy Teen!

Date: 07/06/2023

Title: Help, my daughter talks about boys too much!

00:00:00 Speaker 1
You? Are you worried that your teenage daughter is talking about boys way too much? Well, let's
talk about that today on tips on teens. My name is Kent Toussaint. I'm a licensed marriage and family
therapist, and I specialize in helping kids, teens, and families live happier lives. I lead
two organizations, teen Therapy Center and the nonprofit five ONC three organization, child
and Teen Counseling, both here in Woodland Hills, California. And every Wednesday at noon,
I jump onto Facebook Live to answer your parenting questions. And while I'm answering this
question, I don't know if you can hear the helicopter that just started flying as I was recording,
but there's a big police helicopter flying, like, right above our building, so that's something
you can enjoy, too. Anyways, let's jump into today's question. I'm starting to have a lot of
anxiety about my daughter. She's 15, and all she talks about is boys. As far as I know, she's not
sexually active yet, but it's getting really annoying.

00:01:04 Speaker 1
She seems to be letting some of her other interests fall by the wayside, too. She used to read
books and play sports, for example. I'd like her to have some balance and be less focused on boys.
Is there anything I can do or is it a lost cause? I don't know how to break this to you, but there
is no cure for being boy crazy or girl crazy for that matter. For a teenager, this kind of doesn't
happen to everybody, but it's not uncommon either. It happens a lot. There's nothing that you're
going to do or say that's going to make her less focused on boys. Now, the issues of being less
focused on school or her extracurriculars, that may not be causal. That may be just happening
at the same time. And she may need help kind of channeling her efforts towards things like sports
or reading or yearbook society or whatever it is that she wants to get into. But I think it is important
for all teenagers to be involved in things outside of just going to school and coming home, outside
of just being with

00:02:01 Speaker 1
friends. I think being a part of a bigger whole is important, even if that's an individual activity
like martial arts or tennis or whatever it is. But it is part of something growing, a skill, being
with other people, I think it's important. That's not going to stop her from being boy crazy,
but it may help her find some more balance in her life. Now, if she's talking about it all the time
and it's annoying you, why is it annoying? Are you afraid and understandably so that she's going
to be a little more promiscuous than you want her to at 15? I totally understand the concern.
There is no relationship between being boy crazy and then being promiscuous. The two can be
completely separate. There are a lot of girls who are completely boy crazy but have no intention
on acting out on either stuff. And there are many girls who are not boy crazy but are very promiscuous,
so it's not like one adds to the other. However, I think it does create an opportunity to talk
about really important things,

00:02:59 Speaker 1
like a healthy relationship, healthy dating relationship. What does that look like for you
as a parent? Are you modeling that relationship for your child through your relationship with
your partner? And if not, I encourage you to make sure that you are. And if that's not working,
get help so you can do that, because they're going to follow your example much more than they're
ever going to follow your words. Same thing of sexual health, safe sex. These things are really
important to talk about now. Right now, you're thinking, wait a minute, Kent, she's 15. I don't
want her doing this stuff, so I don't want her to know. And it's actually the opposite. The more
she knows, the more educated she is statistically, the more likely is to make safer choices,
to wait, to make more conscious choices of what she's going to do in a sexual realm of her life.
The other thing is talking about things like consent. What is consent? What is respect? How
do you have respect for yourself and your partner in

00:03:54 Speaker 1
a relationship? How do you have both? And I think if there's going to be a healthy relationship,
there has to be respect for both sides. Feeling respect from both sides. I think the more you
can have conversations about that, you may be able to tolerate the giddy. Laughter about, OOH,
this boy texted me, or whatever that is. Again, I don't think you're going to stop this feeling.
It's normal. Many of us who are here right now have felt the same things when we were 15. It's just
a little more muted now, more seasoned. We're through it. We've been through our rodeo, so we
know how to handle this. Yeah, I wish I could make it go away, but I can't. I'm sorry. You don't
have to struggle with it. It's part of being a parent. Anyways, that's our question for today.
Again. My name is Kent Toussaint with Teen Therapy Center and Child and Teen Counseling. If you'd
like me to answer your parenting question, email us at tips on teens@teentherapycenter.com.
Thanks again. I'll see you next Wednesday. And

00:04:51 Speaker 1
have a great week, guys. Bye bye.