Is your seventeen year old still riding around with you everywhere, no license in sight? If you feel like you're the only parent dealing with this, you're not. I'm Kent Toussaint, licensed marriage and family therapist and Clinical Director here at Teen Therapy Center in Woodland Hills. Today we're talking about why so many teenagers are putting off getting their driver's license, and what's actually going on underneath it.
Here's something that might surprise you. Back in 1990, about 44 percent of 16 year olds in this country had their driver's license. Today, according to federal highway data, it's down to around 1 in 4. That's not a fluke, and it's not just your kid. Getting a license used to be the first thing every teenager wanted the second they turned 16. Now, for a lot of families, it's the thing everyone's quietly tiptoeing around. If your teenager isn't in a rush, and you've been privately worried that something's wrong with your kid specifically, I want you to hear this first. This is a real, documented generational shift. It is not just happening in your house.
So if it's not laziness, what is it? In my practice, when I sit down with a teenager who's avoiding their license, laziness is almost never the real story. What I hear instead sounds a lot more like fear. Fear of failing the test in front of people. Fear of being responsible for something as high stakes as a two thousand pound machine and other people's safety. For a lot of these kids, their entire social life already lives on their phone, so the practical pull to drive isn't hitting them the way it used to hit us. And for the ones who feel pressure to be excellent at everything, a driving test is just one more thing they could fail at publicly, in front of an examiner, in front of their friends. That's not defiance. That's avoidance, and avoidance in a teenager is usually anxiety wearing a disguise.
So what actually helps? First, drop the shame and the countdown clock. Telling a nervous teenager they're behind schedule rarely makes them move faster. It just makes the whole topic feel worse, and now they're avoiding a conversation on top of avoiding a test. Second, get curious instead of pushy. Ask what specifically feels hard about it: the test itself, the responsibility, being watched while they're still learning. Once you know the actual fear, you can break it into smaller, less threatening steps instead of one big, scary milestone. Practice somewhere low pressure, an empty parking lot, a quiet neighborhood, and let them set the pace. And if this kind of avoidance shows up in other places too, new things in general feeling too risky to attempt, that's worth paying attention to beyond just the DMV.
However this looks in your house, a seventeen year old still riding shotgun, or a sixteen year old who won't even bring it up, you're not behind, and neither are they. If you'd like to talk through what's underneath it for your teenager specifically, we're here for that. Reach out to Teen Therapy Center in Woodland Hills for a free phone consultation. I'm Kent Toussaint. Thanks for watching.
Why Won't My Teenager Get Their Driver's License?
A Generational Shift, Not Just Your Kid
If your seventeen year old is still riding around with you everywhere and there’s no license in sight, you are far from alone. Back in 1990, about 44 percent of 16 year olds in this country had their driver’s license. Today, according to federal highway data, that number is down to around 1 in 4. Getting a license used to be the first thing every teenager wanted the moment they turned 16. Now, in a lot of families, it’s the thing everyone quietly avoids bringing up. If you’ve been privately worried that something is wrong with your kid specifically, we want you to hear this first: this is a real, documented shift happening across an entire generation. It is not just happening in your house.
Why Avoidance Isn’t Laziness
So if it’s not laziness, what is it? In our practice, when we sit down with a teenager who’s avoiding their license, laziness is almost never the real story underneath it. What we hear instead sounds a lot more like fear: fear of failing the test in front of people, fear of being responsible for something as high stakes as a two thousand pound machine and other people’s safety. That’s not defiance. That’s avoidance, and avoidance in a teenager is usually anxiety wearing a disguise.
Why Driving Doesn’t Pull Teens the Way It Used To
Part of this is also generational. For a lot of these kids, their entire social life already lives on their phone, so the practical pull to drive doesn’t hit them the way it hit earlier generations. And for teens who feel pressure to be excellent at everything already, a driving test is just one more thing they could fail at publicly, in front of an examiner, in front of their friends. The stakes feel higher than they actually are, which is exactly how anxiety tends to work.
What Actually Helps
First, drop the shame and the countdown clock. Telling a nervous teenager they’re behind schedule rarely makes them move faster. It usually just makes the whole topic feel worse, and now they’re avoiding a conversation on top of avoiding a test. Second, get curious instead of pushy. Ask what specifically feels hard about it: the test itself, the responsibility, being watched while they’re still learning. Once you know the actual fear, you can break it into smaller, less threatening steps instead of one big, scary milestone. Practice somewhere low pressure, an empty parking lot, a quiet neighborhood, and let your teen set the pace.
When It’s Worth a Closer Look
If this kind of avoidance shows up in other places too, new things in general feeling too risky to attempt, that’s worth paying attention to beyond just the DMV. A driving delay on its own is common and rarely a sign of anything serious. A broader pattern of avoiding anything new or unfamiliar is a different conversation, and one worth having with a therapist rather than waiting it out.
FAQ
Why won’t my teenager get their driver’s license? Most of the time, it’s not laziness. It’s avoidance, usually rooted in fear, of failing the test, of the responsibility that comes with driving, or of being watched and judged while still learning. It also reflects a real generational shift: fewer teens overall are getting licensed at 16 than a generation ago.
Is it normal for a teenager to put off getting their license? Yes. Federal data shows licensing rates among 16 year olds have dropped substantially since 1990, down to roughly 1 in 4 today. If your teenager isn’t in a rush, that puts them in the majority, not the exception.
Should I push my teenager to get their license faster? We would not recommend pressure or a countdown clock. That tends to make an anxious teenager more avoidant, not less, since now they’re dodging a conversation on top of dodging a test. Curiosity about the specific fear underneath it tends to work better than urgency.
How do I help my teenager get past their fear of driving? Start by finding out what specifically feels hard, the test itself, the responsibility, being watched while learning, rather than treating it as one big milestone. Breaking it into smaller steps and practicing somewhere low pressure, like an empty parking lot, tends to help more than repetition of the same high stakes attempt.
Is my teenager’s phone the reason they don’t want to drive? It’s part of the picture for a lot of teens. When most of a teenager’s social life already happens on their phone, the urgency that used to come with wanting the freedom to drive to friends isn’t hitting the same way it did for earlier generations. It’s rarely the whole explanation, but it is a real factor.
When should avoidance around driving be a bigger concern? If it’s isolated to driving, it’s usually just this generation’s version of a common developmental delay. If your teenager is avoiding a lot of new or unfamiliar things across the board, not just driving, that broader pattern is worth bringing to a therapist rather than waiting for it to resolve on its own.
Get In Touch
If your teenager’s hesitation around driving feels like it’s part of something bigger, or you’d like support figuring out what’s actually underneath it, we are here to help. Teen Therapy Center and Child & Teen Counseling serve families throughout the West San Fernando Valley, including Woodland Hills, West Hills, Calabasas, Tarzana, Encino, Hidden Hills, and Agoura Hills.
Contact Kent Toussaint, LMFT, Clinical Director, for a free phone consultation:
Kent Toussaint, LMFT 5550 Topanga Canyon Blvd., Suite 150 Woodland Hills, CA 91367 (818) 697-8555 [email protected] https://teentherapycenter.com