My teenager is lying about having a boyfriend!

What, teenagers lie?

Everyone knows teenagers lie. But if your teen is lying to you about a relationship, it brings up a host of issues revolving around trust. Parents can turn this situation into a great opportunity to build their relationship with their kid if they navigate it well.

Teenagers lying about a romantic relationship is pretty normal. Most teens aren’t quite comfortable with their sexuality. In relation to their parents, coming to grips with their own sexuality may also mean that they have to see their parents as “sexual beings” for the first time. This can be really uncomfortable for them!

If your kid is playing by the rules and you trust that he or she is making healthy choices, you can take it slow. It gives you a chance to ease into an understanding about their new relationship status.

What if my kid isn’t being safe?

If you think your kid is engaging in dangerous behavior, you’ll need to talk to them. Here’s where it gets tricky. Don’t ask them questions you know the answer to. That just sets them up to lie. Also, you can’t lie about how you found out what you know (i.e. surveillance, checking their phone, etc). You have to come clean and be honest with your kid, or why would they be honest with you? Lead the way with compassion, patience, empathy, and he or she will most likely open up.

There’s a lot to say on the topic, and we cover a bunch in this Tips on Teens:

“My daughter is 16 and she’s been hanging out with one of her male classmates more and more lately. I asked her if it was a romantic thing, but she emphatically denied it. She says they’re just friends, but she’s been staying out late at his house lately. And there was another instance where she said she wasn’t with him late at night, but I know for a fact she was. We’ve always talked openly about stuff, including sex. I’m not really as concerned about that because I think she’s well educated on that topic, but I’m really disappointed she’s not being honest about it. What should I do?”